"Too often my cares and concerns are nothing more than a sign of my personal
luxury. I don’t have to worry about whether I will survive another day, so I
miss out on the blessing each day affords amidst my self-absorbed complaining
and absurd expectations. I don’t simply want life, I want flawless life,
problem-free life, a beautiful life. When life doesn’t measure up to my
superficial standards, I am ungrateful for it. "--SheWorships Blog
Today I got so upset about not getting the grade I want in a really trivial class. The truth is it really doesn't matter in the scheme of things and i'm not sure it would glorify God more if I got an A in this particular class. Perhaps, in this instance, the humility I am gaining from my substantially less than perfect grades in nursing school is more important to God than a 4.0.
My only plea today? That my personal agenda--the one I want for my own glory and not God's would be steadily replaced by a concern for the things that bring God glory...or perhaps the things that don't, that should, that can--that I would become steadily less aware of myself and more aware of the God who made me and calls me by name.
"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."
Phillippians 2:4-8
Friday, November 19, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Passion and Purity
"Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature altogether. It does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His own Son. That was the proof of His love-- that He gave that Son, that He let Him go to Calvary's cross, though "legions of angels" might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us-- not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chilseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process."
Elisabeth Elliot
Elisabeth Elliot
Friday, March 12, 2010
Practice makes problems....
"They worshipped worthless idols and became worthless themselves..."
Jeremiah 2:5
The truth is, I have a lot of practice in idolatry and therefore am great at making things idols.
I have spent most of my life worshipping myself--in the many forms in which self worship comes-- pursuing beauty, intelligence, comfort, and more than anything acceptance. None of these things are bad in themselves--after all, God made them-- but put them before God and they are idols. They are not "little idols" or "barely idols" or "everyone has them so they're ok...idols". They are idols, of which God says:
"you shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the LORD your God am a jealous God"
-Exodus 20:5
The problem is....I have soooo much practice in idolatry and practice truly does make perfect...or in this case, problems. I make the very best things in my life idols... and as long as God continues to love me, he will continue to destroy these things until I turn back to him, every time.
So the question is...when will I stop making the good gifts God puts in my life idols?
I get a lot of comfort and also fear from the Old Testament on this subject. The Israelites continually pursue idols time and time again, and God absolutely DESTROYS them time and time again for the sole purpose of turning them back to himself. In Jeremiah's letter to the surviving Israelites that God had allowed to be taken captive by the Babylonians for 70 years before the exile was even over he says:
"For thus says the LORD: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you...."
-Jeremiah 29:10-14
The problem with my heart is that usually when I see these verses my first reaction is to look forward to God restoring my "fortunes" and "gather(ing) [me] from all the nations and all the places where [He] has driven [me]" instead of looking forward to a less adulterous heart. I like my idols and I want them back as soon as possible, but
"What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?"
-Matthew 16:26
Think God only takes idols serious in the Old Testament?
"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters-yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple"
-Luke 14:26
"As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word and it proves unfruitful"
-Matthew 13:22
-Matthew 16-30 (The rich young man)
Please pray for me and hold me accountable for the idols you see in my life. let me know how I can pray for you.
Jeremiah 2:5
The truth is, I have a lot of practice in idolatry and therefore am great at making things idols.
I have spent most of my life worshipping myself--in the many forms in which self worship comes-- pursuing beauty, intelligence, comfort, and more than anything acceptance. None of these things are bad in themselves--after all, God made them-- but put them before God and they are idols. They are not "little idols" or "barely idols" or "everyone has them so they're ok...idols". They are idols, of which God says:
"you shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the LORD your God am a jealous God"
-Exodus 20:5
The problem is....I have soooo much practice in idolatry and practice truly does make perfect...or in this case, problems. I make the very best things in my life idols... and as long as God continues to love me, he will continue to destroy these things until I turn back to him, every time.
So the question is...when will I stop making the good gifts God puts in my life idols?
I get a lot of comfort and also fear from the Old Testament on this subject. The Israelites continually pursue idols time and time again, and God absolutely DESTROYS them time and time again for the sole purpose of turning them back to himself. In Jeremiah's letter to the surviving Israelites that God had allowed to be taken captive by the Babylonians for 70 years before the exile was even over he says:
"For thus says the LORD: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you...."
-Jeremiah 29:10-14
The problem with my heart is that usually when I see these verses my first reaction is to look forward to God restoring my "fortunes" and "gather(ing) [me] from all the nations and all the places where [He] has driven [me]" instead of looking forward to a less adulterous heart. I like my idols and I want them back as soon as possible, but
"What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?"
-Matthew 16:26
Think God only takes idols serious in the Old Testament?
"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters-yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple"
-Luke 14:26
"As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word and it proves unfruitful"
-Matthew 13:22
-Matthew 16-30 (The rich young man)
Please pray for me and hold me accountable for the idols you see in my life. let me know how I can pray for you.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Desires of a Deceitful Heart
"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart"
~Psalm 37:4
I find this verse really interesting because the fact is...
"The heart is deceitful about all things and desperately sick; who can understand it?"
Jeremiah 9:17
So, why would God EVER give me the desires of my HEART? My heart is DECEITFUL (not to mention desperately sick).
I guess this is why I like this verse so much. It's not because I think that if I love God enough I will get a 4.0, have the perfect job, the perfect husband, and everything I ever wanted... (the prosperity gospel isn't all it's cracked up to be)
I think it's because this verse shows me there is hope for my heart.
I see this already in my life, as the things I dream about now-a-days are drastically different (and substantially less comfortable and self-serving) than those dreams I had before I knew Jesus, but there are still some--rogue desires. So often my heart desires things not of God, not necessarily bad things, but just things that maybe aren't in God's plan for me right now. And yeah, my heart is deceitful. It tells me that I need these things now, that I don't need to trust God and (heaven forbid) wait for things.
But this verse tells me that there is hope for my deceitful heart...to continually delight myself in the LORD. The hope that I speak of is not that I'll suddenly receive these desires that are my own, but that in me constantly delighting in the things of God, and seeking HIS will for my life, that he will continue to change ALL of my desires into what HE desires for my life so that eventually I will no longer even want these other things if it is not HIS will.
This is comforting, because there is satisfaction there. A lot of times I think people are turned off by Jesus because they don't think they'll like the way their lives will look if they follow him...but that's not what scripture teaches. God tells us to seek him first and foremost and the more we do that the more our desires (what we actually WANT) will be shaped by what God has specifically for us...not just some vague "I am supposed to only want Jesus, so that's what I want" attitude, but we will desire specifically what God has for us in that point in our life (whether it's to form more Godly friendships, disciple younger believers, go to a foreign land to tell people about God, settle down and have babies and raise them in a Godly manner). God will give us desires for Him first and foremost but also for the good things he has created for us to do for him, at the right times in our lives.
So this is convicting for me, because as I think I said earlier, I so much of the time have desires that aren't being shaped by God and instead of giving them to God, I feed them by wondering, well, exactly why they aren't in the plan for my life right now and how I could make them be part of the plan instead of being content with what God has given me in this season of my life.
Help me to delight in you, father, all my days, that I may desire only what you have for me when you have it for me.
~Psalm 37:4
I find this verse really interesting because the fact is...
"The heart is deceitful about all things and desperately sick; who can understand it?"
Jeremiah 9:17
So, why would God EVER give me the desires of my HEART? My heart is DECEITFUL (not to mention desperately sick).
I guess this is why I like this verse so much. It's not because I think that if I love God enough I will get a 4.0, have the perfect job, the perfect husband, and everything I ever wanted... (the prosperity gospel isn't all it's cracked up to be)
I think it's because this verse shows me there is hope for my heart.
I see this already in my life, as the things I dream about now-a-days are drastically different (and substantially less comfortable and self-serving) than those dreams I had before I knew Jesus, but there are still some--rogue desires. So often my heart desires things not of God, not necessarily bad things, but just things that maybe aren't in God's plan for me right now. And yeah, my heart is deceitful. It tells me that I need these things now, that I don't need to trust God and (heaven forbid) wait for things.
But this verse tells me that there is hope for my deceitful heart...to continually delight myself in the LORD. The hope that I speak of is not that I'll suddenly receive these desires that are my own, but that in me constantly delighting in the things of God, and seeking HIS will for my life, that he will continue to change ALL of my desires into what HE desires for my life so that eventually I will no longer even want these other things if it is not HIS will.
This is comforting, because there is satisfaction there. A lot of times I think people are turned off by Jesus because they don't think they'll like the way their lives will look if they follow him...but that's not what scripture teaches. God tells us to seek him first and foremost and the more we do that the more our desires (what we actually WANT) will be shaped by what God has specifically for us...not just some vague "I am supposed to only want Jesus, so that's what I want" attitude, but we will desire specifically what God has for us in that point in our life (whether it's to form more Godly friendships, disciple younger believers, go to a foreign land to tell people about God, settle down and have babies and raise them in a Godly manner). God will give us desires for Him first and foremost but also for the good things he has created for us to do for him, at the right times in our lives.
So this is convicting for me, because as I think I said earlier, I so much of the time have desires that aren't being shaped by God and instead of giving them to God, I feed them by wondering, well, exactly why they aren't in the plan for my life right now and how I could make them be part of the plan instead of being content with what God has given me in this season of my life.
Help me to delight in you, father, all my days, that I may desire only what you have for me when you have it for me.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Dating Jesus
I have often heard my pastor talk about how, when he was in college, before he met his wife, he decided to "date Jesus" instead of just going out with girls like he used to and most of his friends were. He says he would get a new christian book every Friday night and would read it instead of going out. When I first heard this my initial reaction was "hey that's cool...glad I don't have to do that". I had a boyfriend, and even if I didn't, I thought, I have enough single friends to always have plans on a Friday.
Since that time a lot has happened. I am a single girl now and have a very different view on dating thanks to books (particularly When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy... a title I still cringe at but decided to read after prodding from friends), very wise people who have graced my life with their advice, and what can really only be attributed to the Holy Spirit's work in this area of my life. I now hold a view that I once scoffed at: I am going to actually trust God with my love life...something I thought I had been doing for quite a while. Here's what this amounts to:God will put the man I am to spend my life submitting to while we both submit to God (another changed perspective for another blog) in my life in his time. Until then I don't plan on dating anyone...except Jesus. How will I know when I have met this man? I believe God will give me some discernment and him as well. I know, it sounds really crazy. I think it's crazy...very well meaning Christian folks are going to tell me it's crazy and that I am NOT just going to "know". I don't think God will reveal His whole plan to me in this and I may feel "lead" to date the wrong one. The next guy I am in a relationship with may not be the one, but I am not going to date anyone else without some serious leading and prayerful consideration...until then I am going to date Jesus (maybe not in the same way as my pastor but I still like the analogy).
When a person is seriously dating someone they are together a lot, they go on dates, they call each other, they spend money on each other, they drive to the other person's house in the middle of the night to apologize or clarify, they daydream about one another. Basically, pursuing a relationship with someone= any free time, energy, emotion, resources go to them and doing it joyfully. So, when you aren't in a relationship you have a bit of free time, emotion, and well...money on your hands. Who better to spend these things on than God? I just think one day when I get to heaven and I meet my God we will be able to look back on this time of "singleness" and remember how good they were, how I didn't waste (more) of my time on stagnant relationships, but how I was able to get to know my Creator so much better during this time. I am in a unique place in my life when I can give all of this extra energy and emotion to God. My only prayer is that God would continue to encourage me (and whoever he has for me) in this period of singleness, because, let's face it, I DO desire my future husband, and I DO get very lonely sometimes. I am so thankful, too, for incredible, faithful, inspiring (did I mention single?) girl friends God has put in my life recently to encourage me daily, keep me company, and keep me sane. I love you girls.
....I have no idea what this blog will look like, how often I'll update, or what I'll talk about. Usually I journal but the reason for this blog is to share the evidence of absolute GRACE in my life. It's all grace. I am so blessed and I don't deserve ANY of it.
Since that time a lot has happened. I am a single girl now and have a very different view on dating thanks to books (particularly When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy... a title I still cringe at but decided to read after prodding from friends), very wise people who have graced my life with their advice, and what can really only be attributed to the Holy Spirit's work in this area of my life. I now hold a view that I once scoffed at: I am going to actually trust God with my love life...something I thought I had been doing for quite a while. Here's what this amounts to:God will put the man I am to spend my life submitting to while we both submit to God (another changed perspective for another blog) in my life in his time. Until then I don't plan on dating anyone...except Jesus. How will I know when I have met this man? I believe God will give me some discernment and him as well. I know, it sounds really crazy. I think it's crazy...very well meaning Christian folks are going to tell me it's crazy and that I am NOT just going to "know". I don't think God will reveal His whole plan to me in this and I may feel "lead" to date the wrong one. The next guy I am in a relationship with may not be the one, but I am not going to date anyone else without some serious leading and prayerful consideration...until then I am going to date Jesus (maybe not in the same way as my pastor but I still like the analogy).
When a person is seriously dating someone they are together a lot, they go on dates, they call each other, they spend money on each other, they drive to the other person's house in the middle of the night to apologize or clarify, they daydream about one another. Basically, pursuing a relationship with someone= any free time, energy, emotion, resources go to them and doing it joyfully. So, when you aren't in a relationship you have a bit of free time, emotion, and well...money on your hands. Who better to spend these things on than God? I just think one day when I get to heaven and I meet my God we will be able to look back on this time of "singleness" and remember how good they were, how I didn't waste (more) of my time on stagnant relationships, but how I was able to get to know my Creator so much better during this time. I am in a unique place in my life when I can give all of this extra energy and emotion to God. My only prayer is that God would continue to encourage me (and whoever he has for me) in this period of singleness, because, let's face it, I DO desire my future husband, and I DO get very lonely sometimes. I am so thankful, too, for incredible, faithful, inspiring (did I mention single?) girl friends God has put in my life recently to encourage me daily, keep me company, and keep me sane. I love you girls.
....I have no idea what this blog will look like, how often I'll update, or what I'll talk about. Usually I journal but the reason for this blog is to share the evidence of absolute GRACE in my life. It's all grace. I am so blessed and I don't deserve ANY of it.
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